Reader K. from Montreal receives the newsletter from the “Corona II Engadin” task force every week. He finds it too long. We understand that, but it has to do with the turtle... (A kind of Christmas story)
From: H.J.K.
Sent: Wednesday, December 22, 2021, 16:30
To: Engadin Product Management <pm@engadin.ch>
subject: Re: 65th Covid-19 Newsletter 22.12.2021
hiya
I always receive their emails because I have an apartment in Pontresina. Thank you very much. It usually contains information worth reading.
But this tapeworm is knocking the bottom of the barrel. Which webstübler wrote this information in the style of... If, then, but if so, then this, and if this is only if you are older than 73.5 years old and do not have grandchildren and if the sun is not shining and except Tuesday and Sunday except for these fall on odd dates and so on...
Personally, I've been vaccinated 3 times. I always wear a mask indoors when people are around, including Tuesday and Sunday.
I care about your demeets (Expletive, ed.) No explanations.
I'd rather read Apple's MacBook's 25-page warranty than your ramblings.
So please! (Various emojis)
Now I'm done with it (2 emojis “wink”)
Happy holidays, I wish you and the architect of this Engadin info lots of relaxation and enlightenment.
H.J.K.
montreal
Dear Mr. K.,
Thank you for giving me a first smile early in the morning with your letter.
I am happy to answer your question as to who is the “webstübler” who wrote the “tapeworm” of the newsletter of the “Corona II Engadin” task force: That is me.
We're living in a bit of a crazy time right now. It produces things that would probably never normally exist. Like our weekly newsletter.
It is in fact a “tapeworm” that we breed every week. The current 65th edition is 20,485 characters long. Includes spaces. It needs them. Otherwise, the tapeworm would not be flexible. More about that later.
We've considered omitting the spaces. The tapeworm would then be a good 10% shorter. But it would then be so difficult to read that you would swallow on it. It's not a pretty picture, I know.
The tapeworm has a head, the current message section. It changes completely every week. And that's because of turtle B.
Here is a short digression into the animal world of our country:
Turtle B lives in its terrarium in Bern. Whenever something in her environment moves, she pulls in her head, tail and all fours and waits until everything is calm again. You can't blame her for that, turtles are like that. When it's quiet, she suddenly spits out a tapeworm.
26 animals live around the terrarium. These include lion “Z” (immediately roars loudly and then lies down again), beaver “A” (likes to dive in and doesn't want to be vaccinated) or Capricorn “G” (grabs what he can get from the tapeworm and gallops off with it).
Two weeks later, usually on a Friday afternoon, the 26 animals meet the turtle B again. By the way, the name comes from the institution, not from a person. B sticks his head into the spotlight and mumbles in a tapeworm sentence about what new rules should apply from Monday.
Before you can ask B what they mean and how you should implement them, B pulls your head back in and says goodbye to the weekend. After all, it's Friday evening now.
The 26 animals and their herds remain puzzled and work through the weekend to implement the new rules by Monday.
So much from our country's great wildlife. Back to our tapeworm:
In the head of our tapeworm, we compile messages for our readers that are relevant to the region and its respective companies. Whether they are worth reading depends on the way you look at them. I think part of it is how you write. That makes the webstübler and the tapeworm happy. Thank you
The head of our tapeworm also has a second task: It pulls its tail after it. This consists of the applicable regulations relevant to the various parts of tourism, trade and industry and the relevant interpretations by the Canton of Grisons.
A snake sentence, I know. But it's only now that things get complex:
Not all tapeworms are created equal. In each canton, federal regulations are interpreted somewhat differently. And depending on the industry association, there are also a variety of interpretations. The tapeworm must therefore be flexible.
The tail of our tapeworm with the list of regulations is put together in such a way that every reader only has to read the part that relates to their own industry or company.
That is why there are repetitions here: regulations that apply to several sectors. This makes the tapeworm longer, but most of our readers appreciate it because then they don't have to repage, but see more or less at a glance what applies to them.
The regulations for your holiday home are currently very short. More about that below.
Our tapeworm is constantly changing. It's almost like a virus. Because the regulations change again and again. Or at least their interpretation. Depending on the canton. And depending on the sector...
If you like tapeworms, I recommend the Federal Government's “Ordinance of June 23, 2021 on Measures in a Special Situation to Combat the Covid-19 Epidemic (Covid-19 Ordinance Special Situation)”. The name alone is a ribbon worm... It is so diverse that it has its own chronology: https://www.fedlex.admin.ch/eli/cc/2021/379/de/history. With entry into force, partial enactments, amendments and one amendment, it is now available in around two dozen versions. Our tapeworm is very jealous because it is around five times as long as it is.
And it is just one of many regulations that are currently in force.
As I said: The regulations for your holiday home in our tapeworm are currently very short: “The rules for private meetings apply,” it says there. That is not in any regulation. You need to know that. Or read it in the tapeworm. Just like the question of whether the rules for charging (no certificate, but mask requirement) or those for a restaurant (2G with mask and seating requirement) now apply in a shop with coffee.
So much about the origin and content of our tapeworm. Now for the good news:
In contrast to classic tapeworms, modern tapeworms have an advantage. You don't have to laboriously treat them with medication. You can simply click them away. Or delete the subscription. There is a link at the very bottom of the tapeworm, in the tapeworm tail spitli: “You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.”
We, the tapeworm and the webstübler, would very much regret your cancellation. But the choice is yours. Contrary to some claims to the contrary, we are still a fairly free country.
On behalf of the task force and all providers of tourism, healthcare, trade and industry in the Engadin, I wish you and everyone else who has to deal with our tapeworm week after week that we will soon no longer need it.
Merry Christmas and a good start to the new year in Canada.
I love Canada but maybe more about that another time. We are all looking forward to welcoming you back to Engadin soon.
Kind regards
“Corona II” Engadin Task Force
Christian Gartmann
Project manager/coordinator for municipalities
christian@gartmann.biz
+41 79 355 78 78
Christian Gartmann is the initiator and project manager of the “Corona II Engadin” task force. He likes letters.